just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Randomize
