HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
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