So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
