At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
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