Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
