just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
