Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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