It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
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