I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
