so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
