I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
