saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
We left an ass print on the piano.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
