he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
