OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Say something about gay babies.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Randomize
