When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
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