Got a toothbrush?
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
