I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
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