I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
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