Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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