ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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