Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
