Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
