its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
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