Don't make out with my wife yet
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
