got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Randomize
