There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
