I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
