Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
