my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
It's never too late to be topless.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Randomize
