she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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