that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
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