i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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