that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
high people should be assigned attendants
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
she pinky promised me she was 18
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Randomize
