He asked me if I "almost moaned"
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
