no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
