I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
another moral hangover. fuck.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
