Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
Randomize
