babies were throwing up all over the place
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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