I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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