Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Randomize
