remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
