It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
