I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Randomize
