the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
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