Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
