They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Randomize
