I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
