dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
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