my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
