I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Randomize
