so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
