They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
She's the barista slut.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
