Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
