he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
